It could just be gas.

 

But also it could be a tumor.

 

But also it could be that I ate a needle in my Wendy’s hamburger that was put there on accident or on purpose hard to say.

 

But also it could be that last night when I got mad at my girlfriend she also got mad back too and that night was a stupid time to get mad because then we both had to go to sleep and then she waited until I was asleep and then she kept punching me over and over pretty hard but definitely not hard enough to wake me up.

 

But also it could be that some time in the last decade or so I was sitting on the toilet and a black widow spider had built a web across the seat they do that you know and then the black widow spider crawled up into my butthole and pretty much just lived there until present day making the best of things installing a La-Z-Boy and a flat screen TV in my rectum and then tonight when the Sabres lost the black widow spider bit down and probably now I’m bleeding internally.

 

But also it could be that God has been watching over me just like people say he’s wont to do and I don’t even take issue with his ability to watch everybody on Earth in tremendous detail because he’s God for God’s sake there are powers that go with the territory but it’s not like I like his ability to eavesdrop so impressively because he means he sees me do horrible things like eat all the Oreos this afternoon and scratch somebody’s SUV with my car door because I wasn’t paying attention and I’ve really just been a prick lately so God saw fit to punish me like he used to do in the Old Testament and now I have this really bad pain that could just be gas but it could also be a lot of other things.

 

It could be that.

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