“The critical establishment would like you to know

that a great many of the entertainments you consider

valuable are in fact as repugnant as purulent leakage

from an infected belly button piercing, and about as

misguidedly transgressive, there is consensus on this,

you are decidedly outside of the consensus on this,

your quest across the blasted plains of direct-to-DVD

pumice in search of a holy pair of tits among the wreckage,

you King Pellinore of wasted hours that always always

always get away, you have so much under your belt

now, but what’s the point, you’re the only one who’s

ever seen it, your brain may buzz and wander inside

its walls constraint, but if you keep going on like this,

that’s all it’ll ever be, we at the critical establishment

would like to assure you of this, you will be intellectual

and alone, transmitting and transmitting and transmitting

and giving slippage a bad name, speaking Esperanto on

the moon, succumb, the best ones all succumb, and if you

don’t, if you dare to think such thoughts as you consider

independent, well, uniqueness is its own burden, who do

you plan to talk to, smartass, nobody, and well, what kind

of a life would that be, huh, can you answer us that, no really,

here’s a SASE, fucker.”