It will be observed that these primitives

wore their ceremonial silken shirts and blouses

quite proudly over their contorted spines brought

to you by the letter “C”, one can only surmise

that ritual was an important part of their lives,

bringing meaning to the horrible monotony

that we are now most graciously free of.


These horrendous savages, let it be known and said,

spent a great deal of time establishing hierarchies

and comparing themselves to each other, even though

we can now clearly see that they were all beasts most

pitiful, defining a pecking order around the ownership

of humiliating little trinkets that did little more than

make noise and fit well in one’s palm, one assumes that

life was much simpler then, embarrassingly so, of course

we now know better, we are substantially more enlightened.


It is also noticed that these dim-witted brutes were adorably

unaware of their own inferiority, cataloging strange 140 letter

inscriptions in now-fossilized data-storage systems that appear

quaint at best, carbon dating reveals that they would do this

multiple times an hour, an idea tidily corroborated by the time-

stamping of each thoughtless nothing, one could theorize that

each of these was a rough-draft gravestone inscription, a forever

penultimate death cry from a narcissistic people highly insecure

over the tragic impermanence of their own feeble existences.


This may be conjecture.

Regardless, there is a great deal to be learned from these intriguing fools for superior people such as us, you know.